I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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