I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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