I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
