What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
