I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
