just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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