She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
