I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
