His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize