So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
