And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
