The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
