So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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