they need to just BURY HIM!
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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