I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
