beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
