No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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