I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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