why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
