Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
