I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
