i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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