Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
