dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
