if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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