Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
