dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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