I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
