can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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