he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
