I skipped work to stalk him.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
