I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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