wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
