just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
