Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
