JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
