i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
organizing the empties. That sober.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize