Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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