sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
