If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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