i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
