U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
