You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
