It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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