The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
