He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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