Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
