It was confusing and full of hummus
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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