wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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