Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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