I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
