so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
bring money and cleavage
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
