I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
