Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
