theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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