WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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