There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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