I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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