i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
