i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
