My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
