I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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