So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
