there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
