At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
