if you like me you must not know who I am
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
