i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
