I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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