i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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