He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I FOUND THE LEGS
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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