Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
