i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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