I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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